Overcome

I have tried my best to overcome my anxiety, depression, and ADHD, but I can never seem to succeed in overcoming them.

What do the doctors do? They say “I suppose we should up your dosage then.” But do they know that even with the medications I still don’t feel like me? That the medications are making me feel less like me and more like a robot? What if I told you that sometimes I think my medications are making my anxiety worse? What if I told you that my medications are causing me to gain weight?

What would they say? Would they just say that that’s part of taking medications? If that’s the case I don’t want them, how can I overcome anxiety by shoving it under the rug with some medications that sometimes don’t even seem to work!

I can’t overcome anxiety with medications! All I’m doing is hiding it, and sometimes I can’t even hide it!

I want to overcome this new me, this me that isn’t really me, I want to be me, the original me, the me that talks a lot, the me that can stand up to people and tell them who I really am. But I can’t! Because these medications are subduing me, they are not only pushing the anxiety under the rug, but they’re pushing me under the rug as well!

I want them to know how I truly feel, but they just give me another test to rate how high my anxiety is, they don’t ask me what I want, they don’t ask me if I’m okay, my parents care, but I don’t think they understand how I really feel, that I feel trapped, alone, isolated, buried under an iceberg that’s ten feet tall and growing taller with every dosage of meds, they don’t know that I’m trapped!

Overcome the anxiety? How do I do that, I don’t even remember how to be me, so how could I overcome anxiety if I can’t even be me? Say what you want, but remember that words hurt more than sticks and stones, throw a pebble at me, and that’s equivalent to telling me I can’t do something, throw a boulder at me and you may as well have made me cower in fear at what’s to come next.

I’m a girl that doesn’t know who she is anymore, why do I feel so isolated and trapped, as if I’m in a bubble and everyone else is outside of the bubble living normal daily lives.

Lost. Alone. Isolated. Trapped. Desolated. Burned. Buried. Hidden.

Do those words fit with the definition of anxiety? Yes, it does in my opinion!

How many other people feel this way? How many other people want to escape this needless trap of anxiety? Can’t it just all disappear?

The bulb burnt out and now I’m in the dark, hello world, hello darkness, hello anxiety.

Will you overcome me, or will I overcome you?

 

Daily Prompt: Overcome